yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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