did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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