Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
