I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
