I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
