oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
