Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
