I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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