i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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