Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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