Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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