She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
