He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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