i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
