I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
