he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
