i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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