oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
