You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
