You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
