Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
