i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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