WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
