That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
