if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just high enough for therapy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
