I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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