I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
