Christians are straight up FREAKS
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
