He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
