I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
