there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
