All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
