she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
