He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
