Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
