I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
