I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
