eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
