Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The power of my boobs compel you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
