If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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