you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
