I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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