Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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