im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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