but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
