Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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