Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
