Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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