i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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