areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
