you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
