im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
