Moan for me like Helen Keller
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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