I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
